I don't think so. Neither does my husband.
Let's be clear. I am not happy about this. I love my husband. I am in-love with my husband. But my husband is not in-love with me. That sucks. That really sucks. It's not my fault. But it's not really his fault either. He tried to tell me 100 times. I
Yesterday was a terrible day. TERRIBLE. By the time I laid my head down last night my eyes were practically swollen shut. I kept thinking about all the memories. All the never-wills and mighta-beens. I thought about the questions the boy would ask and if I would ever have all the right answers. I thought about living alone. Finding a full time job after being a stay at home Mom for almost four years. I quickly went from heartbroken to terrified. How would I ever be able to get through this? I didn't have a clue.
This morning I woke up with a peace in my heart. I realize I now have a choice to make. I went out to the living room to find Mike asleep on the couch for the second night now. As he opened his eyes I told him I thought I would be ok. That I was ready to try and move forward and do whatever we need to do.
I'm ready to be friends*.
*By friends I mean I am ready to resist the urge to throw my arms around you everytime you walk into the room.
The name of this blog says it all.
ReplyDeleteMarianne and I love our son, more than anything in the world. The ups and downs of our relationship should have as little an effect on him as possible.
It is a hard situation when you know how you feel, yet love someone enough that you don't want to hurt them. I should of had more faith in you, in your ability to cope and deal with things rationally.
I know this situation is in no way easy, but it does put me at ease to know that we are friends, that we love our son and will do whatever we can to make him a happy little boy.
I have tears in my eyes. I'm so sorry to hear this.
ReplyDeleteDon't lose sight of who is most important. All three of you. ALL THREE OF YOU.
I'm going to go ahead and state the obvious and say that this is really sad. However, I will also say that it is better for Noah for things to go this way than for you guys to stay together only to bicker and fight constantly. That was how things were until I was 12 and honestly, by the time mom and dad got divorced I was relieved. Then I had feelings of guilt for feeling relief.
ReplyDeleteSo I think you guys are giving Noah the best possible outcome in a situation like this.
Actually, Kathryn, you were 10 when your dad and I split up. Kristen was 2. And yeah, the guilt is the worst. But I agree with you 100%. Splitting up and remaining adult about it is way better than staying together and making him feel badly watching you bicker and fight. Nothing good ever came out of "staying together for the sake of the kids." Except maybe richer psychiatrists.
ReplyDelete